I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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