I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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