u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
