i just wanna soil my oats bro
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
