Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
