allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
