She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
