Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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