just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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