I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
