Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
