I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
