Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
