o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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