i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
