girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
