i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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