I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
