I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
