theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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