i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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