So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
