I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
