Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
