a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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