I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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