I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
