I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
