y did u give ur computer a hand job?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
