Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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