Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
