margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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