I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
