Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
