I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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