I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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