i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
