I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
