bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
