dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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