Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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