Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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