i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
