so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
