he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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