Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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