sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
