i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
