i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
