wanna go halves on a baby?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
